IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Someplace think that modern technology makes people more sociable while other thinks that less discuss both the views.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that Nowadays
Technology
Use synonyms
 changing the human being
mind-set
Correct your spelling
mindset
show examples
 in
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
social
Change preposition
of social
show examples
 interaction. In my opinion, I strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
Moden
Correct your spelling
modern technology
show examples
Technology
Use synonyms
 produces fake communication between
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
, I mean occasionally seeing people
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
 together
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time they are living in the same house or worse as If
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
setting
Correct your spelling
sitting
show examples
 in the same room . From the
bird
Change noun form
bird's
show examples
 point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 you can
obseve
Correct your spelling
observe
bunch
Correct article usage
a bunch
show examples
 of them
inter-socail
Correct your spelling
inter-social
 connected
having
Correct word choice
and having
show examples
 fun together but in that
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 they are just a band of creatures !
To begin
Linking Words
 with human interaction .
That is
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
stands
Change the verb form
stand
show examples
 for
harmounitical
Correct your spelling
harmonical
 relationship as a
guttariest
Correct your spelling
guitarist
 playing symphony . The human in his nature
demanding
Wrong verb form
demands
show examples
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
one-another
Correct your spelling
one another
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and needed
show examples
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the sense of a hug, kiss, smile, hands touch and smear these are the
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
show examples
 that no human is able to
manufactured
Wrong verb form
manufacture
show examples
 and no technologies are able to
subsitute
Correct your spelling
substitute
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, you can notice a young
girle
Correct your spelling
girl
girls
 studying
abroud
Correct your spelling
abroad
 so far away from a family she had
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
woried
Correct your spelling
worried
worked
 and she is
felling
Correct your spelling
feeling
show examples
 lonly and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 is the only star
this
Linking Words
 disconnected family has in their
darken
Replace the word
dark
show examples
 sky so why is not, of
courese
Correct your spelling
course
 the current inovation will play the role model in socially . In conclusion, we could say
technology
Use synonyms
 is
double
Correct article usage
a double
show examples
 edge sword
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
show examples
 gains and
loses
Replace the word
losses
show examples
. But
overall
Linking Words
, I insist its badness
overwgeling
Correct your spelling
overwhelming
 its
beifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 in
this
Linking Words
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
man kind
Correct your spelling
mankind
show examples
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 not be robotic in their relationships .
Theremore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, every person must raise his kids in
Correct article usage
an approche
show examples
approche
Correct your spelling
approach
 that teaches them "Old is Gold"
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 relation that has the human sense is the best.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to clarify your main argument. The essay lacks a coherent thesis statement that guides the reader through your main points.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This would enhance logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Ensure each idea is fully developed before moving to the next one. Some parts of the essay rush through points without adequate exploration.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Using precise examples helps in illustrating your arguments better.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in organizing your thoughts and giving structure to the essay.
task achievement
Touches on important aspects of human interaction and technology, which are relevant and insightful.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: