IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that governments should prioritize funding for
education
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.
While
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 some argue that investing predominantly in
science
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 subjects yields greater national benefits, I firmly believe that public funding should be distributed more equitably across all disciplines.
This
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 essay will explore why a balanced educational investment is essential, not only to serve the diverse interests of
students
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 but
also
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 to maintain a healthy, sustainable job market.
To begin
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 with,
students
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 have varying interests and aptitudes, and a system that disproportionately supports
science
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 can marginalize those with talents in other fields.
For instance
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, individuals passionate about the arts, literature, or humanities may find themselves deprived of opportunities simply because their chosen disciplines receive limited financial backing. I speak from personal experience: growing up in Taiwan, I aspired to become a professional dancer.
However
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,
due to
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 the government’s heavy focus on funding
science
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 and technology programs, I was unable to afford advanced training and ultimately had to abandon that dream.
This
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 example illustrates how narrowly focused funding can stifle individual potential and creative development.
Moreover
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, overemphasizing
science
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education
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 may lead to imbalances in the workforce.
While
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 it is true that STEM-related industries—
such
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 as semiconductors and software—currently dominate the job market, neglecting other sectors can have long-term consequences.
According to
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 research conducted by National Taiwan University, over 70% of
students
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 now choose majors in
science
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-related fields. Meanwhile, industries like publishing, hospitality, and the performing arts are struggling to find qualified professionals.
This
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 trend not only threatens the survival of these sectors but
also
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 narrows the cultural and intellectual diversity of society. Admittedly, prioritizing
science
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 and technology may accelerate innovation and economic development.
However
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, these benefits come at the cost of alienating
students
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 whose strengths lie
elsewhere
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. A truly progressive society recognizes that fields like
education
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, philosophy, the arts, and social sciences are equally vital in shaping well-rounded citizens and a balanced economy.
Therefore
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, allocating educational funds across a broad spectrum of subjects is both a fair and strategic policy. In conclusion,
while
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science
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 plays a pivotal role in national progress, it should not overshadow other academic disciplines. A government’s educational investment must be inclusive, catering to the diverse aspirations of its
students
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 and the multifaceted needs of its economy. Only
then
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 can
education
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 truly serve the broader interests of society.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Make sure each point logically flows to the next for even better coherence.
task achievement
You provided good examples to support your points. Try to use a bit more variety in your examples to show a wider understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, restate the main points briefly. This can help reinforce your arguments and make a more lasting impression.
task achievement
You clearly stated your position and your main points were well-developed, showing depth in your argument.
task achievement
Your use of real-life examples made your argument relatable and engaging, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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