IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Obesity has been found to be a serious health hazard over the world, over the past few decades. What are the causes behind it? What steps can be taken to slow down this trend?

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Fatness has come out as a dangerous health issue around the globe over the past few years. we shall discuss the possible causes of these problems in the paragraphs. one of the biggest causes of obesity is the consumption of unhealthy foodstuff, people are more inclined to have a portion of
food
Use synonyms
 from restaurants and hotels, which contains high amounts of fat, sugar, and unwanted chemicals and spices, which affect the human body over the time and it can lead to produce diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with the increasing use of the latest technology, children avoid playing outdoor games
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and become more attracted by esports on mobile and computer, because of that they are not involving themselves in physical exercise and gaining body weight. Above mentioned causes require immediate attention to avoid facing harmful consequences. The first and foremost solution is that an individual should start eating nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 by cooking foodstuff at home, and consuming more veggies, beans, and healthy fruits which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 the
requires
Wrong verb form
required
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 nutrition to the human body and protect it from severe diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children are severely affected by mobile action, and to avoid that individual's parents should encourage their children to play outdoor games by giving them knowledge and benefits. Even schools and colleges should organize or introduce sources related to physical activity to keep them healthy and fit.
To conclude
Linking Words
, after looking at the problem of obesity in detail. It can be said that ideas like having nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 by avoiding unhealthy and processed
food
Use synonyms
 and
start
Verb problem
apply
show examples
playing outdoor games
instead
Linking Words
 of Esports can be the ideal solutions.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, but transitions between paragraphs could be improved to enhance the flow.
Task Achievement
Ensure each supporting point is well-developed and includes specific examples for clarity.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task with more detailed arguments and examples to fully develop your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Identifies causes and solutions related to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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