IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Healthcare should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of a person is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. To what extend do you agree with this opinion?

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The importance of free medical care should not depend on a person's financial condition, individuals should be responsible for their own healthcare finances. which was always been debatable and has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential influence in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on the positive impact of
this
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 trend and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
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, I completely welcome
this
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 statement and the first and foremost reason behind
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 is that it reduces the financial burden on the government and they should channelise taxpayers' revenue to alleviate other sectors
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 education, defence and agriculture. Another striking aspect in
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 regard is that citizens will be more health conscious and adopt a healthier lifestyle, including exercise, yoga and preparing nutritious meals to support physical endurance probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from from the fact that many hospital authorities and medication services misuse
this
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 free healthcare offer and produce fake patients report to achieve high income, implementing their own finance medical policy reduces scams and criminal activities. Categorically it can not be ignored that by circulating independent wellness programs, a person should negotiate medical expenses with the doctors, which ultimately suppresses
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 surgery costs. To recapitulate,
according to
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 arguments and the aforementioned, I have reached the conclusion that the benefits of imposing own healthcare finance responsibility rule are indeed too great,
this
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 phenomenon reduces government finances, and individuals will be more health conscious and reduce medication costs.

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task response
Try to address the topic more directly and make a clear stance from the beginning. Your current thesis statement is a bit vague.
task response
Develop your main points with more clarity and depth. Some ideas are not fully expanded or supported.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve the logical flow.
task response
Add specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well.
task response
The argument about financial burdens on the government and the importance of health consciousness adds value to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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