IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extend do you agree?

There is a general consensus that companies should provide sports and social
facilities
Use synonyms
 for local communities. From my perspective, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, sponsoring the construction of gym
facilities
Use synonyms
 and recreational centres can significantly benefit both employees and local communities. For workers, having access to on-site fitness centres can improve physical and mental health, which, in turn, boosts workplace efficiency and productivity. Scientific research consistently shows a positive correlation between good health and enhanced work performance. Employees who are physically fit tend to experience lower levels of stress and higher levels of energy, leading to more effective work habits.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
facilities
Use synonyms
 foster stronger relationships among colleagues from different departments, enhancing cooperation and productivity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they attract new talent to the
company
Use synonyms
, as job seekers prioritize employers offering a balanced work-life schedule.
Secondly
Linking Words
, companies can enhance their brand awareness, affinity, and trust in the community by funding sports and social complexes. These
facilities
Use synonyms
 serve as community hubs where local residents become familiar with and appreciate the sponsoring
company
Use synonyms
's brand.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach reduces marketing costs
while
Linking Words
 gradually increasing financial returns.
For instance
Linking Words
, consider a functional food business that provides free gym memberships as part of its marketing strategy.
This
Linking Words
 approach not only encourages local residents to engage with the
company
Use synonyms
's products but
also
Linking Words
 enhances the
company
Use synonyms
's profitability. The integration of gym memberships with product sales can lead to a substantial increase in profit margins, as evidenced by the
company
Use synonyms
's financial results showing a significant profit boost compared to the previous year.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 sponsoring community
facilities
Use synonyms
 benefits the workforce and provides significant financial returns for businesses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, companies should prioritize these initiatives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Each point in your argument should be distinctly presented and developed. Avoid overly complex sentences, as these can sometimes obscure your meaning.
task achievement
Expand on examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments further. Consider including more diverse perspectives or addressing potential counterarguments to show a thorough examination of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-defined structure, making it easy to follow. Each paragraph serves its purpose, contributing to the overall argument.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples that enhance the relevance of your argument, such as the instance of a functional food business offering free gym memberships.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly and comprehensively presented, making your standpoint easy to understand and follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: