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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children whoc are taught to cooperate rather than compete become useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #whoc #adults
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Some people believe that
competition
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 should be encouraged in
children
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,
while
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others
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 think it is better to teach
children
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 to cooperate
instead
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 of compete.
Both
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 views have valid points, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss
both
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 opinions and give my own view. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, supporters of
competition
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 believe that it can motivate
children
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 to do their best. When
children
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 compete, they push themselves to improve and achieve their goals.
Competition
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 can
also
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 teach
children
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 important life skills,
such
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 as time management, discipline, and resilience.
For example
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, a child who competes in sports might learn how to deal with failure and try again, which is important in later life.
On the other hand
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, there are people who argue that
cooperation
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 is more important than
competition
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. When
children
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 work together, they learn how to communicate, share ideas, and solve problems as a team. These skills are essential for working with
others
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 in the future, whether in a job or in social situations.
Cooperation
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also
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 helps
children
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 develop empathy and understand the needs of
others
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, which are important for building strong relationships. In my opinion,
both
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competition
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 and
cooperation
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 are important for
children
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’s development.
Competition
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 can help
children
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 strive for success and improve their skills,
while
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cooperation
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 teaches them how to work well with
others
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. It is important to find a balance between
both
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that
children
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 can learn the benefits of
both
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 competing and cooperating. In conclusion,
both
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competition
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 and
cooperation
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 offer valuable lessons for
children
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. By encouraging
both
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can grow into responsible and capable adults.
Submitted by muzun0612 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, describe a particular scenario or study that illustrates the benefits of competition or cooperation in children's development.
coherence cohesion
Create stronger links between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences to ensure a seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument with a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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