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Writing Samples
Band 7

Discipline is a growing problem in modern schools. Some people think that parents should discipline their own children while others think it should be the responsibility of the government. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that discipline has become a growing concern in many schools.
While
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 some people believe that
parents
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 should be responsible for disciplining their own
children
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, others argue that the government should take
responsibility
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 for addressing
this
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 problem. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Those who
support
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 parental
responsibility
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 provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most obvious benefits is that
parents
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 are the primary influence on a child’s behaviour. To illustrate,
children
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 learn values, manners, and acceptable behaviour mainly at home.
For instance
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,
parents
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 who consistently teach respect, honesty, and self-control are more likely to raise well-behaved
children
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.
In addition
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,
parents
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 understand their
children
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’s personalities better than authorities, which allows them to use suitable methods of discipline. Those who believe that the government should be responsible
also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that governments can create clear rules and policies that apply to all schools. To clarify, national guidelines on discipline ensure consistency and fairness in handling misbehaviour.
For example
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, governments can introduce school codes of conduct and provide training for teachers on classroom management.
Furthermore
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, government-funded counselling services and behaviour
support
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 programs can help students with serious behavioural issues. To recapitulate, it is evident that some
support
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 parental
responsibility
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 because
parents
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 shape
children
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’s values,
while
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 others prefer government involvement to ensure consistency and
support
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. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that
parents
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 should take primary
responsibility
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 for disciplining their
children
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,
while
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 governments should provide policies and resources to
support
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 schools and families. A cooperative approach is
therefore
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 the most effective solution.

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Task response
Be more direct. State your view in the intro and end with a clear line that you hold.
Task response
Add more exact or real examples. This helps show you know the topic well.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in each part well. Use words like first, also, and next to keep flow.
Content
Clear aim to discuss both sides and give your own view.
Organization
Good form with an intro, body, and conclusion.
Examples
Many good ideas and useful examples to show thought.
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