IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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It is predicted that
people
's mental and physical well-being will worsen as the years go by, causing them to have a shorter lifespan.
This
 is
due to
 the unhealthy lifestyle and eating habits
people
 follow blindly and do not take into consideration the effects
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 later on. One of the main reasons for the
deterioriating
Correct your spelling
deteriorating
health
 of
people
 is their lifestyle. In today's world, many
people
 prioritize their careers over their
health
, eventually neglecting it in the process.
For instance
, many
people
 just sit and work at their workplace for hours without any breaks and
at the end
 of the day they are exhausted and have overly exerted themselves.
This
 could
also
 lead to unwanted
stress
 and high blood pressure which leads to a lot of unnecessary
health
 issues that could have been avoided. Another main reason
people
's
health
 is likely to be lowered
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the unhealthy diets or eating habits they follow. Many
people
 have a diet of having only junk food in their main meals all the time which leads to obesity and can cause the muscles to weaken. Statistics
also
 show that many workaholics
also
 lead an unhealthy diet
due to
 the overwhelming
stress
 they face. The person tries to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the
stress
 by either eating too much or eating very little, none of which are good for the
health
. These are just two of a million reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why the standard of
people
's
health
 will be lower in the future generation. Unnecessary
stress
 and excessive junk food can cause too many
health
 problems
therefore
, living a healthy and
stress
-free life is always recommended.
Submitted by preethiwilliams75 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher band, further develop and elaborate on your main points with additional examples or evidence. Incorporating a variety of perspectives within the essay will enrich the argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by employing more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases. This will create smoother transitions between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
language
Proofread the essay for minor grammatical errors and ensure sentence structures are varied and complex, which will help demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
Your essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the topic, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and the conclusion summarizes the main points well, which helps create a cohesive structure for the essay.
task achievement
Using real-world examples like the impact of work-related stress on health makes your argument more persuasive and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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