IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days,
people
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 can live longer and longer than before. Some
people
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 hold the view that an ageing population will bring all kinds of
problems
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 for
governments
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 and nations. But other
people
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 believe that more elderly
people
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 will
also
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 bring some benefits for us. In my opinion, I agree with the form point,
people
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 should pay attention to the
problems
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 of ageing. On the one hand, more elderly
people
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 will bring more healthcare
problems
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 for
governments
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. As far as we all know, old
people
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 easily fail ill than the youth. As
people
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 get older,
governments
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 have to pay more attention to body health and mention the health of elderly
people
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. It is because
that
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apply
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both of them are important
for
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to
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 us. Meanwhile,
governments
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 should
also
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 make relevant policies to ensure
quality
Add an article
the quality
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 of life of the elderly and solve all kinds of
problems
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 for the
elder
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elderly
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.
In addition
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, more old
people
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 will bring more stress to the youth. There are more old
people
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 in the home, young
people
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 need to pay more attention to taking care of them.
This
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 trend will increase the stress
to
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on
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 them from daily life. Young
people
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 have to bear more of the cost of old age. Young
people
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 will get a sense of upset and stress.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 support that living with old
people
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 can get a sense of
happyness
Correct your spelling
happiness
. They can talk to elderly
people
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 about
problems
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 in their wors and study,
as well as
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, they can find some aid.
However
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,Different old
people
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 have different opinions and too many opinions can confuse young
people
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. In conclusion, more old
people
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 will create more
problems
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.
Governments
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 should make relevant policies to solve these questions rapidly. Young
people
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 should
also
Linking Words
 meet these questions with a scientific attitude.

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to illustrate your points, which will help demonstrate how the ageing population impacts various sectors, such as healthcare, employment, and social services.
coherence cohesion
Try to work on paragraphing to clearly separate your arguments for and against the ageing population, enhancing clarity and flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, possibly by concluding each point with a sentence that summarizes the argument before moving on.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
coherence cohesion
You effectively provide a clear introduction that lays out your main argument and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay describes various perspectives and concerns related to an ageing population, showing an ability to discuss a complex issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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