IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that prevention is better than cure.
Linking Words
While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is a commonly held belief that
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
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 must be focused on ways to reduce environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
 and housing issues to prevent illness and disease. 
To begin
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 with, maintaining environmental
health
Use synonyms
 is essential to reduce disease and illness.
In other words
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, most diseases start from environmental
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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,
such
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 as air and water
pollution
Use synonyms
, and
as a result
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 of that,
appeared
Verb problem
apply
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diseases affect human
health
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, like diarrhoea and lung cancer.
In addition
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, the government should increase
people
Use synonyms
's awareness about different types of
pollution
Use synonyms
 to cooperate together to preserve the environment.
For example
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, a study in China shows that 90% of individuals died
due to
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 air
pollution
Use synonyms
. Another point to consider is that housing issues provide different types of damage to the environment, which
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
. It is
also
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 possible to say that the government should enhance
people
Use synonyms
's awareness about recycling, which helps to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
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 the housing problem.
Moreover
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, there are many ways to encourage humans to recycle,
such
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 as discount coupons, free taxes, and
also
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 prizes.
For instance
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, the Japanese government does a huge campaign to improve recycling behaviour once every year, and
as a result
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 of that, all
people
Use synonyms
 understand the value of it.   In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, in my opinion, I consider that we must teach the new generation the benefit of a healthy environment and the preciousness of human
health
Use synonyms
;
therefore
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, schools must allocate time to learning young the value of it.

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task achievement
Further develop the introduction by clearly stating your stance on the issue to immediately provide a strong frame for your arguments.
task achievement
Some examples could be expanded upon to make them more persuasive, such as explaining more clearly how housing issues cause environmental damage.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is distinctly developed in separate paragraphs. Consider integrating the example more seamlessly into the discussion to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides clear and structured arguments, maintaining good organization with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Ideas are logically ordered and points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, such as the study in China, making arguments persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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