IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

When new towns are planned, it is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The fact
that is
Linking Words
 really crucial is that when the governments want to construct the infrastructure of cities, they will build green fields and sports centres rather than shopping malls for urbanisation's leisure time. I subscribe to
this
Linking Words
 idea owing to the fact that these centres prived an opportunity for the population to become healthy and have a positive effect on the environment. On the one hand, when communities have free access to the woodlands and sports facilities,
then
Linking Words
 people from all walks of life can spend their free time on them. In fact, these places prevent sedentary lifestyles because they encourage populations to exercise and have healthy lifestyles.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they have a time
that is
Linking Words
 far from the stressful systems and noise pollution for relaxation and enjoy tranquil.
As a result
Linking Words
, these kinds of spaces have good influences on not only mental but
also
Linking Words
 physical health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if authorities invest in public parks, cities to become more attractive.
In addition
Linking Words
, the public areas
instead
Linking Words
 of massive markets have less traffic congestion, which emits greenhouse gases.
Whereas
Linking Words
, these regions purify the air and have a beneficial impact on biodiversity and saving the environment.
To sum up
Linking Words
, developing public spaces reduces the risk of health problems inasmuch as the population with various incomes has a chance to recharge their battery and become in shape in the peaceful regions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the face and the quality of air in these urban areas change to the best situation and
this
Linking Words
 work, to prevent wild creature annihilation, is really eco-friendly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly express the writer's opinion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the task and provide a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public parks
  • sports facilities
  • shopping centres
  • free time
  • healthy lifestyle
  • social interaction
  • community hubs
  • mental health
  • leisure activities
  • economic activity
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • aesthetic value
  • environmental benefits
  • biodiversity
  • pollution
  • traffic congestion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: