IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Rich countries often give money to poor countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aids. Agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aids
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It is true that many
countries
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 suffer because of the amount of
money
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 and they live under the line of poverty. Some people argue that developed nations should assist poor
countries
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 by giving them
for example
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 food, clothes, medicine, and water rather than giving them
money
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. I,
however
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, strongly agree with
this
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 statement for some reasons. In
this
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 essay, I will present my views and draw a logical conclusion.
To begin
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 with, I assert that giving poor
countries
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 a necessary need is the best way to help them. To illustrate that
for example
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
south africa they do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good buildings, shops,
Correct word choice
or restaurant
show examples
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
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 so if rich
countries
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 give them
money
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 they will not benefit from
this
Linking Words
moneymoney
Correct your spelling
money
.
On the other hand
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, to help a poor nation, we should start by helping with the most basic things. With financial support, they can use the
money
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 to build the infrastructure. When the country has a stable infrastructure, it will naturally produce some working opportunities. Working opportunities not only encourage economic growth
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 improve the living quality. In conclusion, I do not believe that giving financial support to poor nations can truly help them.
Submitted by maha.wed on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clear and logically linked. For example, further explain how specific types of non-financial aid directly address poverty better than financial aid.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, which helps set the tone for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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