IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours everyday on their smart phones. Why is this the case?Do you think this is a possitive or negative development? ....

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Nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 spend many times every day on their phones. It is the fact that we are spending 20 hours a day
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching some
videos
Use synonyms
 on
tik tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 or just
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media, not only
children
Use synonyms
. In our century we cannot get to study without our
smartphones
Use synonyms
, and it is very good that
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age can use some gadgets because it is not easy.
Also
Linking Words
, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 many bad
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
using
Change preposition
to using
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 toddler age, just the fact that it can harm their psyche and health. Many
children
Use synonyms
 as of today can how to use
smartphones
Use synonyms
, where to click, touch, or turn on. With these
move
Fix the agreement mistake
moves
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 start to develop earlier. The
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 that
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 or just a song that they
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
show examples
 to give so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 development to
upgrowth
Correct your spelling
growth
show examples
. They start to understand words,
move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
show examples
,
actions
Correct word choice
and actions
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
foreign
Add an article
the foreign
a foreign
show examples
 family can teach the
language
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 with funny
videos
Use synonyms
,
Correct word choice
and channel
show examples
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
.
Children
Use synonyms
’s
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 from 3 to 7-8 years can accept
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
information in
easily
Change the word
easy
show examples
 form and
quick
Change the word
quickly
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in statistics people who can speak another
language
Use synonyms
 from childhood, it is just
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
 grew
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
this
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
. As we say, from childhood they just
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
 2 or 3 languages.
Language
Use synonyms
 that we know since childhood, we will know, talk, and think whole life.
However
Linking Words
, gadgets for
children
Use synonyms
 can damage their psyche more than their health. When
children
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 we know that they
are just play
Change the verb form
are just playing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 or watching
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media, but not every parent knows what
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 or
videos
Use synonyms
 they see or play. Now, we can
meet
Verb problem
see
show examples
 so many
badly
Change the word
bad
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 that you wouldn't want to show your
children
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, you do not know what exactly is your child doing on the phone. It could be
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 or
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
conversation
Add an article
a conversation
show examples
 with some people. It is not always
can be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their friend, sometimes
children
Use synonyms
 from ignorance can talk with strangers like
maniac
Fix the agreement mistake
maniacs
show examples
 or
pedophile
Fix the agreement mistake
pedophiles
show examples
. When you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
recognise
this
Linking Words
 it can be
so
Rephrase
too
show examples
 late, because the child’s
psych
Correct your spelling
psyche
show examples
 already can be damaged.
For example
Linking Words
 in 2017 years in
USSR
Correct article usage
the USSR
show examples
 was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
game
Use synonyms
that call
Wrong verb form
called
show examples
 “
blue whale
Correct your spelling
Blue Whale
show examples
”. The gamers
also
Linking Words
 were
children
Use synonyms
. There are
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
some tasks that
give
Wrong verb form
are given
show examples
 to
children
Use synonyms
. Everyone will think that it
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 a
game
Use synonyms
, but
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 because of these
tasks
Add a comma
tasks,
show examples
 every kid
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 dying.
To conclude
Linking Words
, everyone can decide for
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 what is better for
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 child, but seeing all the negative consequences,
wee
Correct your spelling
we
show examples
 can say that spending hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can break the child’s psyche.

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coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Consider organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with distinct main points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will help the essay to flow better and make it easier for readers to understand your arguments.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific, real-world examples to support your arguments, which can help to make the essay more convincing.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument by discussing both the potential benefits and the disadvantages of children using smartphones.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present, which summarizes the argument and restates the main points to support your perspective.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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