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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
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Ageing populations are an emerging problem for various countries globally. It is argued that having more seniors in a
country
Use synonyms
 causes more issues in society.
Conversely
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, some hold a different view and believe that
this
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 brings benefits
instead
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. To a large extent, I do believe
this
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 is a challenging problem that requires all efforts in society to tackle.
Firstly
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, as much as senior individuals are an integral part of a
country
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, it is an undeniable fact that a large part of the national budget will have to be allocated to elderly care with a population skewing toward
older-age
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older
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 citizens,
such
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 as funds for elderly welfare, resources for healthcare, and support for caretakers. With a large proportion of the financial budget allocated to elderly policies, little is left for investment in other areas to drive long-term income growth. Another key reason that an ageing population is indeed a huge burden for anywhere in the world is
due to
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 a shrinking workforce. Most countries have laws enforcing restrictions on the age for employment, usually after age 60. The working class is the most crucial capital for any
country
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. A minor decline in the workforce
due to
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 ageing problems can result in a significant drop in GDP. Taking Japan as an example, between 2023 and 2024, the number of working people has gone down by 5%, which indirectly led to a drastic fall in GDP by around 30%. Without enough strong and healthy individuals to serve the continuous development of the
country
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,
To conclude
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, I am convinced that an imbalanced population with insufficient young people is a long-term problem to solve universally. To a large extent, the detrimental effects it brings far outweigh its benefits.
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task achievement
Ensure all main points introduced in the essay are adequately expanded upon, especially towards the end, to provide a rounded conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, guiding the reader through the argument effectively.
task achievement
The task response is comprehensive, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population with relevant examples.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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