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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #school #activities
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Here is your essay with bolded lexical words and collocations for emphasis: In recent years, how students spend their
time
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 after school has been widely debated by various groups. Some people believe that
children
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 should engage in well-structured
activities
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 during their spare
time
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,
while
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 others argue that they should be given the opportunity to play freely. I believe a combination of both planned and unstructured
activities
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 is preferable. The following paragraphs will elaborate on my reasons.
To begin
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 with, playing freely plays a crucial role in improving creativity in
children
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. When they are not engaged in organized
activities
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, they have the chance to practice life
skills
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 and enhance their
overall
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 development. Free play not only helps to develop creative abilities but
also
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 assists in problem-solving, critical thinking, and interpersonal interaction.
This
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 is because
children
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 are significantly influenced by their peers, and if they have the opportunity to play with their friends freely, they can learn a great deal from each other.
Therefore
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, unstructured play after school is essential for
children
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.
On the other hand
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, planning structured learning
activities
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 for
children
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 is necessary.
This
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 is a period in their lives when they can learn quickly and with less effort. It means that parents should schedule
activities
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 that help develop their
children
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's
skills
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 to enhance their future prospects.
For instance
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,
children
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 should spend
time
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 in art, music, or exercise classes to foster their development.
As a result
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, well-organized
activities
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 are significant for
children
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 after school. In conclusion,
children
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 should be exposed to a variety of
activities
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 in their leisure
time
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. They should have
time
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 to spend with their peers freely to boost their creativity and soft
skills
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.
Moreover
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, they need to participate in organized
activities
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 to learn discipline and improve their knowledge. I believe parents should design a comprehensive plan for their
children
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 to ensure they acquire all the essential
skills
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 for their future
Submitted by bahare.hatamy on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen the argument about the benefits of unstructured play and organized activities.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically transitions to the next for smoother coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both the benefits of free play and organized activities.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame and summarize the main arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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