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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

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It has been commented that juvenile criminal cases are increasing day by day around the world.
This
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 situation has many causes
such
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 as overuse of social networking sites
as well as
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 liberal punishments from the government.
However
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, it can be minimized by supervising children under the guidance of parents and teachers. Let us delve deeper into both root causes and solutions in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are multiple reasons for rising crime rates in the minor age group of people. First and foremost, more and more advancement of technology leads to overuse of internet among the kids under 18 years,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 results in
distraction
Add an article
a distraction
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 from academics and concentrates on illegal content.
For example
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, research conducted internationally demonstrated that nearly 30-40% of users are kids who involved in
cybercrimecrime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime crime
cyber crime crime
 activities in the
last
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 three years.
Moreover
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, another alarming factor for
this
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 trend is liberal punishments for youth crime. In that,
although
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 younger individuals are aware of the consequences of getting involved in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal activities, they ignore it
due to
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 less damnations.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon can be tackled
by
Change preposition
with
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 the support of guardians
such
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 as parents and teachers, who can play a vital role in reducing these numbers.
Firstly
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, they can supervise the students in order to track their activities and
also
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 encourage them towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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vocational training.
For instance
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, if schools or colleges arrange more frequent sports events
then
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 it will divert the minds of children towards the outdoor games.
Secondly
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, the authorities can reconsider the penalty rules for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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minor kids to minimise crime rates over the globe.
To conclude
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, it can be eventually commented that youth is the present and future of any nation but rapid incline in illegal cases can not be overlooked. The potential causes of
this
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 trend
is
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are
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 the constant use of the internet and generous retributions which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be managed by strengthing law rules for juveniles and active involvement of family members and educators.

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Task Achievement
Ensure the examples are more closely linked to the points you are making.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied linking words to enhance the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Reinforce your main points with more specific evidence or examples.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a well-rounded response to the task by discussing both causes and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively setting the stage and summarizing the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • surge
  • productive activities
  • quality education
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • economic disparity
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • legitimate means
  • inclusive education
  • mentorship
  • community policing
  • youth engagement
  • early intervention
  • constructive pathways
  • social services
  • at-risk families
  • root causes
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