The government should control the content of violence in films and on TV to decrease the level of violent crime in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In order to reduce the number of violent crimes committed by
people
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, the government should be more aware of providing films or movies that promote many harsh scenes.
However
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, I can not fully agree or disagree with
this
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statement because it has both benefits and drawbacks for society. Either for teaching
people
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how to defend themself or teaching them how to start a fight, especially for those with mental illness. On the one hand,
although
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watching violent movies can trigger some
people
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to do the same thing if it is viewed from the other side, it may give
people
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a lesson on how to defend themself in urgent situations. Their chances to survive if there are any crimes happening around them will definitely increase.
For example
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, a recent study proves that
people
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who often watch action movies with many violent scenes have a higher chance of surviving terror.
On the other hand
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, too much seeing
this
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content can
also
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influence some
people
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with low mental health.
People
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who have severe depression and anxiety
,
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apply
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will be easily triggered to apply those crimes to their friends or family.
For instance
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, the CNN channel on television has shown many shooting cases in school which was conducted by a student who likes watching violent content on television
along with
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their health problems. In conclusion, there are some benefit and disadvantage of showing
this
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content on TV, which as teaching
people
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how to defend themself,
as well as
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, influencing them to practice them in real life. I suggest the government should
instead
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control the audience rather than controlling the contents.
Submitted by dorima on

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Consider refining the transitions between ideas to ensure a smoother flow and clearer connections. Phrases such as "On the other hand" are useful, but can be supplemented with more precise connective phrases.
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Review sentence structures for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice. These changes can enhance overall clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly outlining the main argument and summarizing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is a sophisticated way to tackle the essay question.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main point, supported by examples, which indicates a strong logical structure in your essay.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government regulation
  • media producers
  • public good
  • normalization of aggressive behavior
  • freedom of speech
  • artistic expression
  • cultural differences
  • universal standard
  • violent behavior
  • societal impact
  • parental responsibility
  • media consumption
  • parental controls
  • restricting content
  • creative freedom
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