IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
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There is an argument that authorities should give money for railways as
oppose
Change the form of the verb
opposed
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 to roads. I firmly think that
this
Linking Words
 context is worth
of
Change preposition
apply
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believing, based on the reasons
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss
further
Linking Words
.    
To begin
Linking Words
 with, building more roads can lead
people
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
cars
Use synonyms
 and one of the disadvantages of using vehicles is their detrimental effects on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and individual’s health. Needless to say, air pollution, traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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, overusing fossil fuels, and health diseases stem from using personal
cars
Use synonyms
. India can be a good example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 assertion,
people
Use synonyms
 are spending most of their time in
traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
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 and inhaling vast amounts of air pollutants, which are one of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 lung cancer in
this
Linking Words
 city. So, governments should take action and tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem before it gets out of hand by constructing more railways.    
Moreover
Linking Words
, if nations can provide enhanced public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as railways in terms of quality and quantity, citizens will be encouraged to
use
Use synonyms
 them because of their safety and
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 advantages.
In addition
Linking Words
, road
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the primary reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 death among nations
due to
Linking Words
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dangers which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 diminished when individuals
use
Use synonyms
 trains.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,in
iran
Change the capitalization
Iran
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 Chalus road
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 thousands of
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 every year just because
people
Use synonyms
 don't have any other option to travel to  the north of Iran comfortably.
Linking Words
likewise
Rephrase
Similarly
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, in terms of using
cars
Use synonyms
,
repairing
Replace the word
repair
show examples
 and gas fees are far more expensive than
train
Add an article
a train
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ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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.   In conclusion, I think that if governments comfort their residents by funding sufficient  public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 rather than building more roads,
people
Use synonyms
 will not
use
Use synonyms
 their
cars
Use synonyms
 ever again.
Submitted by ieltswriting345 on

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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Work on grammatical accuracy, such as the use of articles 'a' or 'an', and ensure subject-verb agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains only one main idea and begins with a clear topic sentence.
Task Achievement
While your examples are relevant, ensure that they are directly tied to the main idea of the paragraph for maximum impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a logical start and end to the discussion.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as those from India and Iran, effectively support your argument.
Task Response
The argument is generally clear and consistent throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
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