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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

.People nowadays tend to have children later in life. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In our modern society, people have a tendency to have children in the later stages of life.
Although
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 they plan to become parents after achieving financial stability, they may face significant health risks as time goes by. On the one hand, reaching financial freedom can be beneficial for both parents and their children for several reasons.
Firstly
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, parenting comes with high responsibilities,
such
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 as providing essential necessities and offering care during times of illness or hardship.
Therefore
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, creating a stable and suitable environment beforehand is crucial.
Moreover
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, planned parenthood can help prevent various financial challenges,
such
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 as accumulating debts from the costs of childcare or struggling to meet their children’s needs.
For example
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, provided statistics by Family Support and Counselling Organisations show that a child born into a well-maintained household is 45% more likely to lead a decent and successful life compared to those from less stable environments.
On the other hand
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, as people age, the likelihood of infertility rises significantly for both genders. Not only do individuals jeopardize their health by delaying pregnancy, but they
also
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 increase the risk of complications during childbirth, as conditions
such
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 as diabetes and high blood pressure may emerge over time.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the Ministry of Healthcare of the Republic of Kazakhstan, the key hormones, which are responsible for fertility, decrease by over 40% in women’s bodies after their mid-thirties. In conclusion, individuals today are increasingly postponing pregnancy.
While
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 financial stability can provide numerous advantages, the health risks associated with delayed parenthood may present serious challenges.

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task achievement
Expand on the analysis of health risks. Provide more specific examples or statistics to support the point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the conclusion concisely restates the main points addressed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-balanced view, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of having children later in life.
task achievement
The use of statistics and references to reports adds credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas from the advantages of financial stability to health concerns associated with delayed parenthood.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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