IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You have seen an advertisement from a couple, who live in Australia, for someone to teach their two children your language for a year. Write a letter to the couple. In your letter explain why you think you would be suitable for the job say what else you could do for the family give your reasons for wanting the job Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear …………….,

#advertisement #couple #australia #someone #two #children #language #year #job #addresses
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Dear Sir , I am writing
this
 letter because I have seen your advertisement regarding a teacher for your children in yesterday's newspaper. I have done Master's degree in Punjabi language from the reputed Guru Nanak Dev University and I
also
 belong to Punjab that's why I have a great knowledge of the same language. I believe that I will be the perfect match that you are looking for the welfare of your kids in order to teach them your culture, beliefs and religion.
Moreover
, I have two years of experience in daycare with my skills I am able to tackle all the problems of little ones .
Furthermore
,
this
 job really fascinates me because I am passionate about my language
thus
 , it will be an honour to promote it on the international level with great enthusiasm. I hope you will consider me for
this
 job . Yours faithfully, Sam
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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Task Achievement
The letter successfully addresses all parts of the task, including explaining suitability for the job, offering additional skills, and expressing desire for the job. However, expanding on each point with more detailed examples or explanations would enhance the response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The overall structure is coherent with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion. To improve, consider adding a brief introductory sentence about how you found the advertisement and a concluding sentence to reinforce your enthusiasm for the job.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using clear paragraphing for each main idea was effective. To elevate your writing, include transition phrases between paragraphs for smoother flow, such as "In addition to my teaching capabilities..." or "Furthermore, my interest in the job stems from..."

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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