Even more people are spending most of their time at work nowadays, which leaves almost nothing for personal life. Do you think this trend has more advantages o disadvantages for people?
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
people
nowadays Use synonyms
spending
their Wrong verb form
spend
time
Use synonyms
to do
their Change the verb form
doing
work
rather than Use synonyms
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
life
. Use synonyms
It's happen
a lot in big cities and become Change the verb form
It's happened
It's happening
commons
to abandon their personal Fix the agreement mistake
common
time
. I believe that Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
life style
can bring both Correct your spelling
lifestyle
advantageous
and disadvantageous Replace the word
advantages
in
the same Change preposition
at
time
. Use synonyms
This
essay will discuss Linking Words
about
the pros and cons of the trend.
Remove the preposition
apply
Use synonyms
People's
who most of their Unnecessary verb
People
time
doing an assignment or achieving their company goals will Use synonyms
getting
used to Wrong verb form
get
be
a productive Change the verb form
being
person
. They will become a hard Fix the agreement mistake
people
worker
person and Fix the agreement mistake
workers
resilience
to any problem Replace the word
resilient
their
facing in their job, which Correct your spelling
they are
it
can lead to Correct pronoun usage
apply
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
great quality for the Correct article usage
apply
country
human resources. I believe that investing Change noun form
country's
time
in Use synonyms
works
will bring Fix the agreement mistake
work
positive
impact to the economic growth Correct article usage
a positive
for
the country they live.
Change preposition
of
On the other hand
, if Linking Words
people
only Use synonyms
focusing
their Wrong verb form
focus
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
to
Change preposition
on
work
and Use synonyms
ignores
their own Correct subject-verb agreement
ignore
life
needs, it would Use synonyms
bring
a harmful effect Verb problem
have
for
their mental health. Change preposition
on
Burn out
is the common problem that employees have if they are Correct your spelling
Burnout
overwork
. In some cases, it will bring stress even depression to the employee if they don't have a Wrong verb form
overworked
balance
Replace the word
balanced
work
Use synonyms
life
.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, spending most of Linking Words
the
Change the word
their
time
in their profession will bring benefits to the country, but they have to make a balance between Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
time
and their own Use synonyms
life
. It can be Use synonyms
overwhelmed
and Replace the word
overwhelming
stressfull
if Correct your spelling
stressful
person
only Add an article
a person
the person
focusing
on their job, so I suggest that Wrong verb form
focuses
people
should Use synonyms
spends
Change the verb form
spend
their
at least once a week Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
focusing
on themselves, Change the form of the verb
focus
such
as doing their hobbies or Linking Words
have
a vacation to refresh their thought from the workload. I'm certain, it can Wrong verb form
having
improves
Change the verb form
improve
Use synonyms
people
productivity and feel refreshed from their daily routines.Change noun form
people's
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Task Response
Consider clarifying your thesis statement in the introduction. Although it introduces the topic well, it would benefit from a more direct statement about the potential balance of positive and negative impacts.
Task Response
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. Providing concrete examples could strengthen the argument, particularly for the advantages of work-centric lifestyles.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical connections between paragraphs and ideas. Sometimes, transitions between ideas were missing, which can affect the flow of the essay and make points less clear.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider restructuring some sentences for better clarity and grammatical accuracy. This will help in improving natural flow and coherence.
Task Response
The essay provides a clear introduction to the topic, outlining the trend of increased work time and setting up a discussion of its pros and cons.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a conclusion summarizing the main points well, indicating an understanding of the topic and offering a practical suggestion for balance between work and personal life.
Task Response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of the trend, showing a balanced view and understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.