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Writing Samples
Band 6

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. What are the reasons? What can be done to encourage them to exercise more?

#doctors #people #exercise
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Although
 doctors suggest that aged people must work out regularly, a number of people assert that these groups are vulnerable and they should prioritize their health.
This
 essay will assess both viewpoints by giving proper examples. On the one hand, being inhabitants of a stressful world makes
exercise
 and physical activities fundamental for all ages.
Although
 experts are convinced that older adults are not exceptions and should keep their body, heart, and mind active to be stronger and more cheerful, many older adults are reluctant to have movements. Accompanying our old grandparents to go for a walk, helping them to join public sports communities,
introducing
Correct word choice
and introducing
show examples
 them to their peers, as they can find
exercise
 partners, are some potential ways to enthusiast
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 population to have more physical movements.
On the other hand
, there is a prevalent belief among individuals that the older population is vulnerable and must be considerate about their deeds. Not only, are they not able to benefit from workouts, but
also
 they may burden physical damages.
Furthermore
, they are believed to be too weak to be healed
due to
 their age conditions, and
this
 can be acknowledged as a reason or even an excuse for many older patients to
exercise
 frequently. Had we dwelled some decades ago, there was a widespread idea that the older generation must rest the whole day. To take but one instance, my grandmother quit all kinds of movements as she assumed that she was too aged to have mobility. In summation, many elderly people ignore doctors’ suggestions for doing regular
exercise
, I regard that they must be committed to regular physical activities as it can be considered a criterion capable of making them happier, healthier, creative, and optimistic toward life.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequence in your paragraphs to enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Be consistent with pronouns and references to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a variety of linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task given, including explanations for reasons and specific suggestions for solutions.
task achievement
Develop main ideas further for a more comprehensive response.
task achievement
Examples used are relevant, but ensure they are clearly linked to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
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