IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e. g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
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In the modern era, It is becoming increasingly widespread to see advanced technology enabling some
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 from anywhere without going to the workplace.
Hence
Linking Words
, it has been an undeniable phenomenon that information technology plays
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 vital role in
people
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’s lives as it helps them to
work
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on
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in
show examples
 various places. From my perspective, I will look deeply from both sides which are advantages and disadvantages. First of all, one of the biggest benefits
for
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of
show examples
 working remotely is flexibility.
This
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 means that
,
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apply
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 employees can easily deal with jobs at residence, cafe or when vacation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 who
work
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 remotely can save more time
due to
Linking Words
 they can
work
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 at
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 place. To illustrate, lots of
people
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 living far from
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can save time and cut off transportations cost without
go
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going
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 to
place
Add an article
the place
a place
show examples
 of
work
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, If everyone works online, it can contribute to a reduction in traffic congestion during peak hours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, It may have a significant impact on reducing air pollution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we cannot deny that there are some drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
, employees working remotely,
such
Linking Words
 as from home,
cafes
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in cafes
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, or
while
Linking Words
traveling
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travelling
show examples
, often find it difficult to concentrate.
This
Linking Words
 means that
,
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apply
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 they may be easily distracted by household chores, family members, or the surrounding environment.
For instance
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,
people
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 who have married and
work
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 at home often get disturbed by their children or family.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to decreased productivity. All in all,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
apply
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we can witness some
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 for
community
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the community
a community
show examples
 working from outside
office
Correct article usage
the office
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such
Linking Words
 as getting
disturbing
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disturbed
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the advantages of working remotely are convenience.
Work
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-life balance is incredibly crucial, and remote
work
Use synonyms
 offers the best opportunity to achieve it.
Submitted by studyabroad639 on

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example and details advice
Ensure that each point made in the essay is well-supported with specific examples and details to strengthen the arguments and analysis. Try to elaborate more on the examples to enhance your point.
coherence and structure advice
Maintain smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to ensure seamless reading. Connect the advantages and disadvantages more logically and explore both perspectives in greater depth.
introduction highlight
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a balanced view which is inviting and prepares the reader for the argument.
task achievement highlight
The essay effectively discusses both the benefits and the drawbacks of remote work, reflecting a balanced perspective.
conclusion highlight
Clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your perspective on the benefits of remote work.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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