IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should pay too much attention to sports and pay little attention to education and health. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that sporting
activities
Use synonyms
 should be prioritized by the
government
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 as opposed to
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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.
Although
Linking Words
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 may seem an important field to centralize, I partially agree that the value of
education
Use synonyms
 and
health
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 plays a key role in shaping personal growth and development in the long run.
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
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activities
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 are gaining popularity around the world, giving considerable attention
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those
activities
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 by the
government
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due to
Linking Words
 their future opportunities and monetary benefits.
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
activities
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 are held every year globally, attracting as many
people
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 as possible, thereby opening a way to motivate
people
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 to do
sports
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 in order to gain fame or at least make it a habit to remain healthy. Because some
sports
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,
such
Linking Words
 as football, swimming, and others, are the most popular types of
sports
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, encouraging
people
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 to imitate some well-known
people
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 to be the best or at least giving them
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 motivation to engage in those
sports
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 to be healthy and feel the sense of happiness and enjoyment. Another benefit can be financial aid to the
government
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, as
such
Linking Words
 meetings often bring a huge amount of benefit to the organizer with the help of foreign tourists, making that spot popular and sharing culture in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of future potential
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
government
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 continues to give more attention to
sports
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, they can minimize the expenditure that they are allocating on
health
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 options and take financial aid
overall
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
 should be centralized by special agencies
due to
Linking Words
 some plausible reasons. First of all, modern society often depends on educated
people
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. With the development of technology,
people
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 should not be suffering physically anymore, as the world is mainly relying on
education
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 and inventions, requiring only
people
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 who have skills,
such
Linking Words
 as creativity, critical thinking, and communication. As long as
education
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 is the most demanding field, the
government
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 should develop the
education
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 system. When it comes to
health
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be another necessary sector to direct attention to, as the
overall
Linking Words
health
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 of the public usually manages the budget. Unless
health
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 is considered the least sphere to finance, some diseases, like
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 or cancer, may spread quickly, bringing more
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
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 and losing the budget of the
government
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 as a whole.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should be responsible for the
health
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 of
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people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
, neither producing money nor reducing it. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
sports
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 are able to make money for the
government
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, the probability of making money from
education
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 and
health
Use synonyms
 is higher.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
task achievement
Explore more about how sports can indirectly benefit education and health sectors, such as promoting teamwork, discipline, and a healthy lifestyle.
coherence cohesion
Try to balance each paragraph in length. Some are more detailed than others, which can disrupt the smooth flow of information.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by partially agreeing with the statement and providing reasons for both sides.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas makes it easy to follow and understand your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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