Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days, when
people
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meet some
health
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problems
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, more
people
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are enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
trying
alternative
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medications and
treatments
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instead
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of going to the hospital to see their usual
doctors
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.
This
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trend is popular and common in the world. In my opinion, I support
this
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trend it is not conducive to the healthy development of
people
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. On the one hand,
people
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usually use
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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harmful to their body
health
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and mental
health
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. As far as we all know, both of them are important parts for us. When
people
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use
alternative
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medicines
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instead
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of visiting
doctors
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, they will miss the best time to treat them, they even make the
problems
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more serious.
In addition
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,
people
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using
this
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treatment way will bring more potential dangers. It is because they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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not know whether
this
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medicine is suitable for their
health
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problems
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, it will bring other
problems
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, even
lead
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leading
show examples
people
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lose
Add the particle
to lose
show examples
their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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believe that it is a convenient way to try
alternative
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medicines
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and
treatments
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instead
Linking Words
of visiting their usual
doctors
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. They just need to search the Internet to know their illness and what medicine to take.
However
Linking Words
, Uncertified methods can have irreversible effects. In conclusion, when
people
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fall ill, they should ask
doctors
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for help immediately. It will make sure you treat your questions the first time.
People
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trying
alternative
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medicines
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and other
treatments
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is a foolish way to solve their
problems
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, meanwhile, Not taking responsibility for their own
health
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.
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task achievement
Add more specific examples to illustrate points about the dangers of alternative medicines to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Clarify the main points, particularly the introduction and conclusion, to make your stance more clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression between ideas, using clearer transitions and linking words.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clearer and more logical structure in your paragraphs to enhance the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Good attempt to provide both sides of the argument by mentioning both the potential hazards and perceived convenience of alternative medicine.
coherence cohesion
Includes an introduction and a conclusion, which are well identified but can be improved for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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