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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days, some
people
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 hold the view that
children
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 should be told that they can achieve their goals if they try their best.
This
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 topic is so popular and common all over the world. In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 point, It is because it is a great
way
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 to improve themselves. On the one hand, it is a good
way
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 to help them improve their
skills
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. As far as we all know,
people
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 always get a sense of challenge when they meet some questions in their daily lives. If parents often encourage them to solve
problems
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 by themselves, they will develop the ability to solve
problems
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 on their own and make them more and more independent.
In addition
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, during
this
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 process,
children
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 can learn some social
skills
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.
For example
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, they can increase their teamwork
skills
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, communication abilities, thinking
skills
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 and problem-solving abilities. All of these
skills
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 can help
children
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 develop self-esteem, they can talk about some
problems
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 with
people
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 from different backgrounds and from all walks of life. Meanwhile, it is
also
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 a good
way
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 to help them explore something new that they did not notice before to open their minds
,
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apply
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 and expand their relationship.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 will feel more stressed and depressed when they find they can not solve these
problems
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.
However
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, only in
this
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way
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,
children
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 can be more and more courageous to meet difficulties in the future. In conclusion, parents should always encourage their
children
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 to find
some
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apply
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ways to solve
problems
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 by themselves. They can ask for some help from their parents and friends,
however
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, they should finish these questions by themselves.

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task achievement
The introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points about social skills and independence, as this will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the transition between paragraphs is smooth to enhance the flow of ideas; linking phrases can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is good, but it might reiterate the importance of the main points discussed in the essay more explicitly to create a stronger closure.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, which is important for building a strong argument.
task achievement
Your argument about the development of skills through encouragement is well-founded and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is evident, with clear paragraphs for different points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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