IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kind of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004 .

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kind of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004 .
#consumption #fish #meat #european #country
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The line graph gives information about
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of meat and
seameat
Correct your spelling
sea meat
 in a European country between 1979 and 2004 . Units are measured in grams.
Overall
Linking Words
 , the consumption of beef and lamb decreased over the period given ,
while
Linking Words
 for chicken
icreased
Correct your spelling
increased
.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
During
show examples
 these years , fish stayed steady . At the
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
 of the period , beef was the most used but , by the end ,
chicken
Add an article
the chicken
show examples
 was most popular . With the regard amount of beef
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
used , it began
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 210 and peaked at 240 in 1984 and
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 dramatically to about over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
100 in the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
 , 150
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lamb eaten in the first
year
Use synonyms
 , after which the figure fluctuated slightly and decreased to a low of about 80 in the final
year
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , chicken was the third with beyond 150 , after which the figure
swing
Wrong verb form
swung
show examples
 a little and increased to a top of 250 in the final
year
Use synonyms
 . The consumption of fish
used
Verb problem
was
show examples
 about over 50 ,
while
Linking Words
 these years it was eaten a little and decreased to beyond 50 in 2004 .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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