Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In present times, an increasing proportion of individuals with diseases are trying different medicines and treatments rather than checking in with their usual doctors. As far as I am concerned, I totally think

that is

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a negative development,

due to

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the fact that it might be misleading in choosing treatments and is non-preventive against

viruses

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Firstly

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, if individuals tend to purchase medicaments based on their own view or a view given by another person, they might likely have some

possibilities

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possibility

show examples

of making misleading choices. To illustrate that, we have a boy,

Joe

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Joe

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was visiting his doctor, and the doctor said that he should take paracetamol to prevent illness;

however

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Joe

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wants to overcome the disease in his own way. He went to the local pharmacy and bought not paracetamol, but amoxicillin.

Afterward

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Afterwards

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, his disease increased much more. I mean,

that is

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the common way how people end up losing their confidence.

Furthermore

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, the wrong medicine can break your immune system, which causes your body to respond poorly to threatening

viruses

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. It is the worst thing that can occur in a human

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apply

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because you literally cannot be secure from

viruses

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For example

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Joe

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drank those amoxicillin pills, and his immune system was disabled and could not protect him from

viruses

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. After some days,

Joe

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felt pain, and when he had an MRI, the result was cancer.

To conclude

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, I believe that visiting your usual doctor is the best way to prevent yourself from many more diseases. As I noted earlier, it is because of the misleading choices involved, and because you might take pills that do worse harm.

kazymbekov2007kg1Thu Jan 23 2025

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task achievement

Strengthen your examples with more details and varied scenarios, demonstrating the broader implications of the issue. Try to include more concrete evidence or statistics that could better support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Enhance coherence by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This can help in maintaining the reader's flow of thought and improving clarity.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and reinforcing the main argument.

task achievement

The main points about misleading treatment choices and effects on the immune system are well-articulated, showing a clear understanding of potential risks.

coherence cohesion

The structure follows a logical progression, moving from problem identification to examples and ending with a strong conclusion.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

alternative medicines
treatments
positive development
negative development
health problems
usual doctor
access
personalized approach
holistic well-being
lack of regulation
evidence-based research
proper medical treatment

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, the have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages?