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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people like to do their everyday shopping at large supermarkets. Others want to go to several small stores or local markets to buy what they need. Which style of shopping do you prefer and why? Give reasons and examples to support your answer.

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One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is
people
Use synonyms
 are attracted towards big malls for shopping.
While
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 many
people
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 argue that buying goods from small
shops
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 and local markets is more affordable, others believe that purchasing from the shopping centre is more durable and fresh. In my opinion, I would prefer to purchase from the shopping mall. I will provide examples of why it is better to purchase from the mall.
Firstly
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, the main reason is that
due to
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 the rules and regulations, every shopkeeper must keep the best quality products in their store.
In contrast
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, small
shops
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, are not bound to any
such
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 rules and after-sale if any defect is found in the purchased product they never return your full money. Another factor is that competition among other
shops
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 in the malls because many
shops
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 are in the same complex and customers have more options to choose from.
For example
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, Nike and Adidas shoes are sold by several sellers at different prices and for tiny
shops
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, you do not have another option, so they charge the consumer what they like.
As a result
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,
people
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 like to go to the big markets and buy from them and they do not have any issues with the return of defective goods.
Secondly
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, the primary reason is that customer gets everything under one roof and are easy to bargain. They
also
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 have peace of mind whatever product they buy is original.
In addition
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, it saves time for the clients because they get everything from one place. So extra time they can use for other tasks. For local and small
shops
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, on several occasions, products are not available or they expired.
For instance
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, it can be seen sometimes shopkeepers rub the expiry date from the packet.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 lose confidence in buying from these small markets. In conclusion, following the analysis of
this
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 topic,
it is clear that
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 small
shops
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 have less number of products
due to
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 the size of their warehouses and the financial capacity to keep more stocks.
However
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, in big shopping centres, there are no these types of problems.
Further
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, it is predicted that purchases from the malls are going to continue in the future as well.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to link your ideas smoothly. This will help guide the reader through your argument in a more logical and natural flow.
task achievement
To improve your task achievement, try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas and opinions clearer and more concise. Avoid redundancy and ensure each point directly supports your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction gives a clear overview of your argument and that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points while restating the thesis.
task achievement
The essay covers the topic well and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is well articulated in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the preference for large supermarkets over small shops.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and realistic examples that help to illustrate the points made, adding depth to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • variety
  • availability
  • economies of scale
  • promotions
  • discounts
  • freshness
  • quality
  • local economy
  • sustain
  • personalized service
  • unique shopping experience
  • vendors
  • engaging
  • cost-effectiveness
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