IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members if society. Others, however, believe school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many individuals think that
parents
Use synonyms
 ought to teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 how to be a good person in a community.
However
Linking Words
, the rest of the people believe that schools have to take
this
Linking Words
 responsibility
instead
Linking Words
 of
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 of people.
Firstly
Linking Words
, family is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 first environment, when a human being just born.
Due to
Linking Words
 that, members of that family are responsible for teaching their child to acquire some good behaviours
while
Linking Words
 raising them.
For instance
Linking Words
, they will be grown-ups,
then
Linking Words
 they will struggle to fit in society and will not respect others with a lack of understanding. So these individuals can harm
structure
Add an article
the structure
show examples
 of society in some cases.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should have made them gain some essential habits until some age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a number of citizens place schools to contribute them these these feelings and understanding.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they do not even want to take care of their kids and think the experts in the schools can
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 job than me.
For example
Linking Words
, the practices in these educational places
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can be more beneficial
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 because of experts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these children can claim
these knowledge
Change the determiner
this knowledge
show examples
 more
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 from teachers. In conclusion,
however
Linking Words
, they are our blood and the whole responsibility of them belongs to us.
As a result
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should have led them to how to be good members of society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarification
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by clearly differentiating between the two perspectives in each paragraph.
examples
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more relatable and convincing.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one idea to the next, avoiding abrupt transitions.
language
Proofread for minor grammatical errors to enhance overall comprehension and presentation.
opinion
Clarify your opinion at the end to clearly communicate your stance on the topic.
introduction
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and acknowledges both perspectives, helping to frame the discussion effectively.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and makes a final judgment on who should teach children to be good members of society.
balanced view
The essay maintains a balanced discussion, acknowledging the roles of both parents and schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: