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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that a sence of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sence #competition #children #co-operate #adults
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Some people believe that developing a feeling of
competition
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 among
children
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 should be encouraged. Meanwhile, others think that youngsters who are educated to cooperate rather than to be competitors will be more useful adults. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both of these points and provide my opinion on the matter. Many individuals believe that growing a
sense
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 of
competition
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 in
children
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 should be encouraged for several reasons. First of all, it's impacting on their ability to be successful and confident.
Secondly
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. It contributes to their personality development as they grow older.
This
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 means that they can pursue their dreams even if it hard to achieve. I agree with
this
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 point in my opinion teaching a
sense
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 of healthy
competition
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 without making comparisons among other
children
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 with a moral
sense
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 will make them grow well. On another hand, some people think that raising
children
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 to co-operate and
as a result
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, they will become beneficial adults. Teaching
children
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 to co-operate will help them to develop their skills in teamwork.
For instance
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, various tasks and projects are required to work together.
Also
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, it will benefit
children
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 to understand how important helping others is.
Additionally
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, focusing on
competition
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 may be able to create a stressful and negative environment among
children
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.
For example
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, the child may be feeling failure if he doesn't feel that he is the best. I agree that teaching
children
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 to be cooperative helps them to develop basic life skills that make them more productive as adults. In conclusion, some people believe that teaching
children
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 a
sense
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 of
competition
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 is important to them. Meanwhile, others think that teaching them to cooperate is an advantage for their adult life. I agree with
this
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 view.
Submitted by rahafusn on

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Coherence & Cohesion
While the introduction clearly outlines the two views and states the writer's intention, try to make the concluding paragraph provide a stronger summary of your main arguments or a more compelling final thought. This will further enhance the cohesion of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Use more linking words or phrases to guide the reader across your arguments more seamlessly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both perspectives on whether competition or cooperation should be encouraged in children. This fulfills the task requirement to discuss both views clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, outlining the main perspectives and your opinion effectively.
Task Achievement
Main points are supported with relevant reasoning and some examples, demonstrating an understanding of both views on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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