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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below provides information about the numbers of Australian students who studied in five different countries between 2004 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below provides information about the numbers of Australian students who studied in five different countries between 2004 and 2006. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #information #numbers #australian #students #five #countries #summarise #features #comparisons
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The chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who are from Australia and who began their studies in several
countries
Use synonyms
 from 2004 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and New Zealand feel more comfortable and , it is obvious these
countries
Use synonyms
 are more impressive for
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because most of the
student
Use synonyms
 population chose them.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they have been soared between 2004 to 2006.
However
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 reached less than the other
countries
Use synonyms
 and they are
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the list of
choosing
Replace the word
choices
show examples
 for a
student
Use synonyms
. Most of the college Society
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 for studying which the
number
Use synonyms
 is 2800
students
Use synonyms
 in 2006
also
Linking Words
 graduated fast from 2004 .
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is more than New Zealand which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 2650 in 2006 .
Howeve
Correct your spelling
However
, New Zealand increased slowly so it is values of slightly over from 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 is not the best and not the worst it is in the Middle with the same
number
Use synonyms
 of 1700 in the
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2005 and 2006 ,respectively.
Due to
Linking Words
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
Germany
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 they are not popular for choosing so they have
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 in 2006 but
Germany
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 200 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 150
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
. Clearly
number
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 fluctuated as
also
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
Germany
Use synonyms
 . But
students
Use synonyms
 prefer
study
Add the particle
to study
show examples
 in
Germany
Use synonyms
 in 2016
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
.
Submitted by sanazmoradiown on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, countries, student, germany, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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