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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
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It is often suggested that increasing the
prices
 of fast
food
 could be a key strategy in addressing the global issue of
obesity
. I agree with
this
 perspective, but I
also
 believe that a multi-faceted approach is necessary for maximum effectiveness.
Firstly
, raising the cost of fast
food
 can yield several benefits. When
prices
 are higher, people are less likely to indulge in fast
food
 regularly
due to
 affordability concerns.
For instance
, if popular fast-
food
 chains like McDonald’s increase their
prices
 significantly, consumers may opt for healthier, homemade alternatives more often.
Consequently
,
this
 shift can promote healthier eating habits and reduce reliance on unhealthy fast
food
 options.
However
, it's important to recognize that tackling
obesity
 requires more than just adjusting
prices
.
While
 cost plays a significant role, it's not the sole factor contributing to
obesity
.
Therefore
, complementary strategies are essential. To complement price increases, public awareness campaigns should be launched to educate people about the negative effects of high-calorie, processed foods and the importance of regular exercise.
Additionally
, governments should implement policies aimed at promoting the production and consumption of organic and healthier
food
 options.
This
 can include tax incentives for organic farming or funding research into healthier meal options. In summary,
while
 raising fast-
food
prices
 can be a valuable component of combating
obesity
, it should be part of a broader strategy. Public education and government policies supporting healthier
food
 choices are crucial aspects that should accompany any price increase to effectively address the issue of
obesity
.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that clearly states your position on the topic. Then, organize your main body paragraphs to support that position with specific examples and clear explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on making your essay more cohesive by using a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, make sure to address all parts of the task directly. Include a variety of relevant examples and fully develop your arguments to cover the topic comprehensively.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence, each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples and explanations. Make sure the relationship between your ideas is clear, helping to create a logically structured argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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