IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

One of your friends wants to apply for a job at a summer school camp as a sports trainer. Write a letter to the camp manager to recommend your friend. In your letter: say how well you know your friend describe the qualifications and experience that your friend has explain why your friend would be suitable for this job.

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Dear Mr. John, I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 email to recommend my friend
Mrs.
Change the punctuation
Mrs

The abbreviated title Mrs. seems to be punctuated incorrectly. Consider changing the punctuation.

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 Joe for the available job position as a
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 trainer at
summer
Correct article usage
a summer

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 school camp. We have studied together since we were kids, and she has been very interested in
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 since her childhood. She was fond of playing tennis and she had played in many national-level competitions. I was impressed by her dedication to
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. She had completed her bachelor’s degree in health and wellness and was working as a
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 teacher at a national school, Markham. She has an
overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of 15 years of experience in coaching students for various tournaments and local events. I would like to recommend her for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 position because of her dedication to work.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, her experience is suitable for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 prospect so I believe that she would be the right person. I hope that you will consider my suggestion. I look forward to hearing your response at your earliest convenience. Yours sincerely Jee

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coherence cohesion
The letter presents information logically, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Include a greeting phrase and a closing phrase to clearly signal the beginning and end of the letter.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, but expand on the details provided for a more robust recommendation.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address all parts of the task. The letter could be improved by elaborating on how well the writer knows the friend and providing specific examples of the friend's qualifications and experience.
task achievement
Use a professional and enthusiastic tone suitable for a letter of recommendation. The tone used is generally appropriate, but make sure it is consistently formal throughout.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ardent enthusiast
  • physical education
  • sportsmanship
  • pragmatic approach
  • diligence
  • team spirit
  • engaging personality
  • mentorship
  • leadership qualities
  • communication skills
  • first-aid certified
  • discipline
  • adaptability
  • youth mentor
  • enthusiastic
  • influential coach
  • role model
  • positive reinforcement
  • camaraderie
  • empathy
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