IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #first #child #age
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Nowadays, several
families
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 today don't think
kids
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 will expand their happiness but having a child is a large challenge in
families
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.
Moreover
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, modern
families
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 emphasize success goals before having a child which leads to having
kids
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 at an older
age
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.
Thus
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, having a child late has more drawbacks than advantages especially the physical
health
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 of women.
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons people are having children at an older
age
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 is
due to
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 stability financial. A variety of people prioritize their professional development and career stability before having
families
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. Because the main issue in
families
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 is financial problems,
therefore
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 many individuals spend their middle-
age
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age
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 strength banking and having family in old
age
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 are best choice for them.
Furthermore
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, some people think having pupils at
this
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age
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 makes it hard for them to grow up with a high-quality
life
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 because the environment in the current period does not suit minors or even older, cause of illnesses, economic or crime rate which has the greatest impact for the decision to have a
baby
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 of one family.
In addition
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, illnesses today including COVID-19 or RSV in youth making
families
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 concerned about their
health
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as well as
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 the economy as the price of growing up an adolescent is high but the world economy today does not easily support them in a good quality of
life
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 and rate of crime in present is increasing in every day
this
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 makes parenthood worried about it even their send the juvenile to schools which is the safe place but there can't guarantee their
life
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 children will safe in fact, a plethora of the news of students shooting a gun at the schools there are many and widespread.
On the other hand
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, women who have a
baby
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 at an older
age
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 around 30 or more will affected by the physical
health
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 of the
baby
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also
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mother
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.
For example
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, Down syndrome in an infant who was born with a
mother
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 with an older
age
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 and Preeclampsia in a
mother
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 who has a
baby
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 older will affect the
life
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 of both the mom and the
baby
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 in the womb in the worst case.
Additionally
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, after
delivery
Add a comma
delivery,
show examples
 the physical
health
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 of which the
mother
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 faces during pregnancy still remains and should have treatment for a long time because the body of an older will deteriorate before pregnancy.
To sum up
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, numerous parents need their
kids
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 to grow up in a good environment and high quality of
life
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 but in societies currently still dangerous.
Consequently
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, many
families
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 choose to make stability for future
kids
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 or some
families
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 decisions to don't have a
baby
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.
However
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,
this
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 trend most affects female physical
health
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 and risks to her
life
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 and infant.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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task achievement
While the essay effectively addresses the task, some ideas can be more clearly expressed with examples and explanations. Consider illustrating points with more precise details, and ensure the language used supports clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is generally effective, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Enhance the logical flow by using linking words and phrases to better connect the ideas and make transitions smoother.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the main topic by discussing reasons for having children at an older age and exploring both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
A clear structure is present, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in guiding the reader through the arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • professional development
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • higher levels of education
  • societal shift
  • parenting age
  • developed countries
  • socially acceptable
  • medical advancements
  • fertility treatments
  • conceive at a later age
  • delayed parenthood
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