IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should support the arts, such as music and theatre, more than sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #support #arts #music #theatre #sports
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There is no denying the fact that
arts
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 play a significant role in reflecting
societies
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society's
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 culture.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the
arts
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 are more important than
sports
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, there is
also
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 an argument that
sports
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 can build
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 community so
governments
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 should prioritise it.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I consider both
arts
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 and
sports
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hold
Verb problem
to be
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equal
Change the word
equally
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 important. On the one hand, Many
people
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 argue that
governments
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 should
support
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 art to provide
for
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apply
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citizens variety of
entertainments
Change the noun form
entertainment
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 choices
such
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 as
music
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 and theatre, helping
people
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 to enjoy their
life
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lives
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.
Moreover
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, nations can
illustrates
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illustrate
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 their cultures and heritages through
music
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 and theatre which encourage new generations and foreigners to have knowledge about their cultures.
In addition
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,
arts
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 festivals can
attracts
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attract
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 tourists overseas to attend it, which
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support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 countries to grow their
economy
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.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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 can significantly decrease illnesses like obesity and diabetes. If
governments
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 build more
sports
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 facilities and parks,
people
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 will be healthier and more active because they can access
sports
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facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
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 easily.
Furthermore
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, several countries have aimed to host various
sports
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game
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games
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 to increase their
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economy
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economic
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 growth.
For example
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, when Qatar hosted
Add an article
the football
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football world cup
Correct your spelling
Football World Cup
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 in 2022, it flourished their
economy
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 dramatically. In conclusion,
while
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 some individuals think that
arts
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 like
music
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 and theatre are more crucial for maintaining
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 entertainment, reflecting cultures and heritages, some
people
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 believe that
governments
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 should focus on
sports
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 more to
support
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Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 health and increase
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth. In my opinion, I
recon
Correct your spelling
reckon
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 that both
music
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 and
arts
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 are essential
should
Correct word choice
and should
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 be given equal attention to
support
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Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth and
people
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 well
being
Verb problem
well-being
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.
Submitted by bkalmutairi01 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced argument by illustrating the similarities between arts and sports when discussing their importance. This can add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen coherence by ensuring that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, creating a smoother flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's stance, setting up a balanced approach to discussing both art and sports.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and clearly states the writer's final opinion on the issue.
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