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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Over the
last
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 decade, social
platforms
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 have increasingly gained popularity around the world. These developments,
therefore
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, have brought numerous harmful effects to society. Despite the many negative ramifications that may derive from the argument, social
media
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 is likely to be advantageous to both humans and communities
due to
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 valuable resources and good networking in work outlined below Concerning disadvantaged impacts nowadays, social
media
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platforms
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 not only have often given wrong information but
also
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 encouraged citizens to follow consumerism.
First,
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in terms of the stock market, many
people
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 have used it to gain their beneficial personal, by the way of creating several content incorrect documents. Shareholders,
for instance
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, could lose their money to investment
due to
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 following an unprofessional person on the internet.
Second,
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advertisements have created the importance of consumerism in life through news, online newspapers, or blogs to consumers, especially for young generations. It,
therefore
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, takes teenage girls as a shining example, they easily follow the trends on social
media
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 which often introduce new run-fashion,
although
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 they don't have any in need of it.
Nevertheless
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, despite the drawbacks above,
media
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platforms
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also
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 have two outstanding benefits which are the richness of knowledge in all things and networking with excellent
people
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 in the same major.
First,
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with the beneficial information on online sites, individuals could learn anything that they want to improve, even becoming professional
people
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 in their jobs, without attending a traditional classroom. Some examples of
this
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, particularly, include popular free documents on the internet
such
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 as cooking, English, or even investments that are plenty of appearances on online
platforms
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.
Second,
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without worrying about how to network with brilliant
people
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 in our jobs, LinkedIn is one of the best choices to do it. By
this
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, many
people
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 can have a good relationship with other professors, leading to studying more valuable lessons and even having a suitable job by introducing. In conclusion,
while
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 online
media
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platforms
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 could give a large number of disadvantages, the impact of positive benefits
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 the most preferred choice of using for
people
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 since a great deal of information and chance to connect with others in work online. Because of these merits, I believe that social
platforms
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 will be developed by their potential in the foreseeable future.

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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more robust examples and evidence. For instance, you mentioned consumerism among teenagers but did not provide detailed studies or statistics to support this claim.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct focus. For example, you could separate the negative impacts on individuals from those on society for greater clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid vague language. Instead of saying "many people have used it," specify who these people are to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps provide structure.
task achievement
You include both sides of the argument effectively, which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as LinkedIn for networking, adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
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