IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely seperate from social life. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,some individuals argue that being extra friendly with fellow staff in our leisure time
it
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is
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 makes lucrative idea
while
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 some people believe that we should totally differentiate between social relations and work relations.In my opinion,interacting with many individuals would be helpful because you can get familiar with other people in your lives with different attitudes.In
this
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 essay, I will explain both views in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,making some good friends in our habitats has many beneficial aspects. Specifically at the company,where many folks spend duty hours of the day,they need an environment without stress,discomfort,inconvenience and hardness,
thus
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,it is a good point to
make
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become
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 familiar with other colleagues in free hours
such
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 as weekends or evenings.
Additionally
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 ,
a
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apply
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good tuning between teamwork has been always effective for the outcome
the
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of the
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 best thing
of
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apply
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producing.
For example
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:Toyota proved that social interactions between co-workers are advantageous for increasing the quality of the product.
On the other hand
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,some issues related to cooperating with workmates have been reported by many organisations,over friendly with officemate causes the likelihood of favouring someone all the time at the office regarding the capabilities of his or her can make that they can't see the capabilities of hard-working fellow staff.
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,some employees may pressure the boss to hold for an increase in affairs
such
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 as salary hikes,promotion of duty and so on.
Therefore
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,it is evident that work-life mustn't blended with regular life, In conclusion:surely,an office place should be a happening place to produce more and more quality for a company during the day ,
whereas
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,the remaining hours including weekends and nights should be used for other friends and people with various functions in life .

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states the two views discussed in your essay. Try to make it more concise and focused.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, ensuring that there is clear cohesion throughout your essay.
task achievement
Delve deeper into the main points of each view to provide a more comprehensive discussion. It would be beneficial to explore any counterarguments.
task achievement
Present your opinion more explicitly in the conclusion, linking it more clearly to the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully presented a conclusion to sum up your ideas, which is a key part of the essay structure.
task achievement
The first body paragraph presents a valid example to support the idea of socializing with colleagues, adding relevance to your explanation.
task achievement
The topic is addressed adequately by discussing both sides of the argument and giving your own opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • supportive work environment
  • personal growth
  • diverse perspectives
  • conflicts of interest
  • professional boundaries
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • innovation
  • collaborative projects
  • hierarchy
  • authority
  • nuanced decision
  • social and cultural expectations
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