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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

***In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.***

#***in #countries #people #salaries #country #governments #level
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A
Change preposition
In a
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 number of countries, only a less
people
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 earn extremely high
salaries
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. Certain
people
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 believe that
this
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 is beneficial for the
country
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,
however
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, others think that national authority should not allow
salaries
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 above a normal level. Both views will be discussed in
this
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 essay below. On the
one
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 hand,
one
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 of the most obvious advantages of a low multitude of citizens get a huge number of
salaries
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. If
individial
Correct your spelling
individuals
was
Wrong verb form
are
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 able to do more
skills
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 than others they should earn more for a comfortable living.
Moreover
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, another point to consider is to force
people
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 to don't stop developing their
skills
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 for competition. If many
people
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 continue fighting for the best life, it would make a better
country
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 to tackle with other nations in the world.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent study from the Faculty of Economics at Harvard University, 8 out of 10 U.S. working men tend to always update their
skills
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 if they can earn higher
salaries
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 than their coworkers.
On the other hand
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, the way that
people
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 in
one
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's
country
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 get the same
salaries
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 at certain levels leads to the government being able to control the population easily. The individuals will
don't
Verb problem
not
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 judge each other because they should get everything the same as others in the
country
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.
In addition
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, it will allow children more happier. a multitude of students would be able to play more at their ages
,
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apply
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 if they didn't have to think about their future careers. To illustrate, a survey recently conducted by the New York Times reveals that two-thirds of Americans intense to living if they have a hard to developing new
skills
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 making companies give them higher
salaries
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To conclude
Linking Words
, both views have advantages and drawbacks
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 to each of views, so it is hard to judge which
one
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 is better. Even though my opinion suggests that if populations in the
country
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 have many standard
salaries
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 depending on their class
skills
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, it would allow children in
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
 more inspiration for the future.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task response
Ensure clarity in expressing ideas. It is important to clearly articulate your main points so readers can easily follow your argument. You may need to refine some of your sentences for better clarity and logic.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words or phrases to create a smoother flow between your paragraphs and within them. This will enhance the reader's understanding of your arguments and help make your essay more cohesive.
introduction conclusion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion with a coherent introduction and closure.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, reflecting a thorough understanding of the task requirement.
task achievement
You have included some relevant examples to support your points, which help illustrate your arguments better.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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