IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors for cultural and historical attractions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#visitors #attractions
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As tourism has become a flourished industry in the past few decades, there has been a debate over charging visitors from overseas more than the locals at historical sites. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. On one hand, the argument in favour of charging foreign
tourists
Use synonyms
 more might rise among the residents
due to
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 the taxation, which means the national monuments depending on governments' subsidies for maintenance have already been paid for by them.
Moreover
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, increasing
tourists
Use synonyms
' pay could somehow prevent the conjunction of sites' surroundings, and improve their life quality.
Thus
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, it is reasonable to divide tickets into different prices for equality.
However
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, I consider it a shortsighted view.
On the other hand
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, differentiating the cost between foreigners and locals might lead to a negative consequence.
Firstly
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, travellers from abroad contribute to the economy of the host country in a wide range,
such
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 as
souvenirs
Change preposition
through souvenirs
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, accommodation, and traffic. Nations could thrive
due to
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 the
overall
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 financial growth.
Secondly
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, there might be monetary spam from some unscrupulous people, which would lead to counterproductive effects
such
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 as significant disappointment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
tourists
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, it is not necessary to emphasize implementing a higher price for them.
Instead
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, the residents and authorities should be honoured to subsidize meaningful attractions in their nation and attract more
tourists
Use synonyms
 to visit. In conclusion, it is a long-term vision when a country charges both travellers and inhabitants equally as the result in
overall
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 national economic improvement excels the higher monetary requirement to foreign visitors. Afterwards,
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 the nation's cultural legacy
further
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.
Submitted by vsunnloe147 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention particular countries or scenarios where differential pricing has had negative or positive effects.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity and structure of some complex sentences. This will ensure your ideas are more effectively communicated and also improve readability.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument.
task achievement
You presented a balanced discussion, considering both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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