IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Today many children and teenagers are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons to explain why many young people are obese and give some sllutions to fix the problem

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In
this
Linking Words
 present world, many young people are facing obesity. Because
of in
Change preposition
apply
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many cities haven't built enough fitness places and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lack of time, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 solutions which I will discuss now.
In many
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Many
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 places have limited gyms,
also
Linking Words
 it is far away from city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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living places. As
matter
Correct article usage
a matter
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 of fact, many young individuals don't have their own car. If a gym is far, Young society
face
Change the verb form
faces
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defficieny
Correct your spelling
deficiency
efficiency
 of time, because of their school, tutor and sports. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, there are children who are lazy, even if a gym
near
Add a missing verb
is near
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 to their home they make another story not to go
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to traning
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traning
Correct your spelling
training
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
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. I

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improvement
Clarify your points by using specific examples to support your argument. For instance, mention actual scenarios or statistics regarding obesity among children and teenagers.
improvement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly contributes to the main argument, and aim for a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
improvement
Provide a clear introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss, and include a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments and potentially offers solutions.
content
The topic sentence highlights two major reasons contributing to obesity among children and teenagers.
content
There's an attempt to explore different reasons why young individuals might not engage in fitness activities, such as distance and laziness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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