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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #control #behaviour #children #age #freedom
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Parents
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 have always faced a challenge as to whether to grant
children
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 more freedom and authority or take control of their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. both of these views can be right in their own
way
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, and I would like to discuss both of them in more detail below.
Parents
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 who give
children
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 more freedom and authority mostly try to encourage their
children
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's curiosity and authority so their
children
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 can easily explore their world in their own
way
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 and build a strong sense of individuality. these
children
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 are often believed to be more successful with individual achievements and goals, but
this
Linking Words
approach
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 often comes with a cost,
children
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 with more sense of autonomy and freedom are harder to discipline and sometimes end up in a delinquent
sorrounding
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surrounding
. On the other end, there are
parents
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 who exert more control and power over their younglings and try to discipline them in most areas of their lives,
this
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 kind of
approach
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 mostly can be seen in collectivist countries where respect towards family and society is of much importance than anything else. These
children
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 are often more altruistic and prioritize other people's opinions over their own. But just as the
aformentioned
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aforementioned
approach
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,
this
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way
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 of parenting can pose a significant cost to
children
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's sense of identity and individuality.
Overall
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, Parenting is one the great challenges of human beings, and since it's a multifactorial phenomenon and
depend
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depends
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 on various factors
such
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 as culture, socioeconomic status, genetics, and so on, the best
approach
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 can vary depending on the situation and I believe the best
way
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 to ensure the optimal outcome is for
parents
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 to have a safe environment and a stable psychological
welbeing
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wellbeing
 than to focus on their
way
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 of their
children
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's upbringing.
Submitted by Milad kadxoda on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on sentence structure to ensure clarity. Some sentences are run-on and can be broken into separate sentences for better readability.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will add depth to your points and demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed thoroughly. While you've discussed both perspectives, your own opinion could be more clearly stated.
Language
Proofread your work to catch minor grammatical inaccuracies, which can enhance clarity and professionalism.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, which is essential for addressing the task effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the essay well and provides closure.
Task Achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic by recognizing that parenting approaches can vary depending on cultural and individual factors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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