IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent times, with the advancement of technology, the
education
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 landscape has been changed drastically as we are moving toward online studies rather than classroom setups.
Due to
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this
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 change, many argue that
investment
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 should be made to provide better and faster
computers
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 to
students
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,
while
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 others focus on improving the standard of
teachers
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 by investing more in them.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my opinion. Proponents of spending money on
computers
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 contend that the educational system over the
last
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 decade has gone online, and with the advancement of technology and the availability of electronic devices
such
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 as laptops, mobile devices, tablets, etc., most
education
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 will be catered to online in the future.
For instance
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, many colleges and universities these days have already started a number of programs that take place virtually, and because of
this
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 trend,
investment
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 in
computers
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 is required to provide
education
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 to individuals.
Additionally
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, many subjects like mathematics, medicine, and computer science need
computers
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 for assignments and research work, as they provide better computing power to solve complex problems.
On the other hand
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, advocates for
investment
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 in
teachers
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 argue that
teachers
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 provide face-to-face interaction with
students
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, which helps them
in building
Wrong verb form
build
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 stronger student-teacher relationships.
This
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 interaction helps
students
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 to clear their doubts related to the fields of study they are pursuing, which mostly
lacks
Wrong verb form
lacking
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 when interacting with
computers
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. Faculty helps in the holistic development of
students
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 through offering personal interaction
along with
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 teaching them, so
investment
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 in adding more staff and improving their quality is needed. In conclusion, after considering both perspectives, I firmly believe that a balanced approach should be more suitable for the
education
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 system these days.
Investment
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 in
teachers
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along with
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 the allocation of more
computers
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 in schools and colleges would be considered a better
investment
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 in our
education
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 system.

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider adding more specific examples or statistics, which can further substantiate your arguments and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While the essay logically moves from one point to another, consider using more varied transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs. This could improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view on the given topic, thoroughly discussing both perspectives related to funding in education.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing the discussion and summing up your personal viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is tightly focused on an individual viewpoint, which helps in maintaining the structure and coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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