In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the school promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

Nowadays, junk
food
organizations started giving money to
schools
in order to promote their products to school juveniles. I believe
this
is a negative trend because
children
may get overweight
due to
eating
this
type of
diet
and it is harmful to their health as well. Many
children
are overweight because of the unhealthy
diet
that
schools
cater to them. As
schools
are paid for selling products of fast
food
companies minors are likely to consume them in huge amounts.
Moreover
,
children
eat junk
food
every day when they are at school and
hence
they gain weight quickly and some
children
even do not realize it because they like
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
taste of fast
food
.
Also
, it may be difficult for them to refuse
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it as they do not have a healthy
diet
at their
schools
.
For instance
, school learners at American
schools
are facing problems with obesity because they eat a lot of fast
food
products.
Furthermore
, eating an unhealthy
diet
at
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
age might be hazardous to
children
's health. Consuming it habitually can lead to the wrong work of their stomach and
therefore
juveniles can be exposed to dangerous diseases.
Additionally
, because of fast
food
their skin may get worse too and it can affect minors' self-esteem.
For example
, many adolescents like to go to KFC and Burger King restaurants and they say they have pimples after eating burgers or fried chicken. In conclusion, in my opinion,
this
is a negative development and
schools
should stop bringing money from junk
food
organizations in order to save
children
from obesity and their health too.
Submitted by zbirliknur01 on

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task achievement
Include a more balanced view by discussing any potential positives of the arrangement, even if you ultimately believe the negatives outweigh them.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are relevant to the topic and supported with specific examples.
task achievement
The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay.

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