IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Kadirkhan Zhazira.

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Kadirkhan Zhazira.
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The diagram represents how
honey
Use synonyms
 is created by
bees
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of 7 stages, beginning with constructing extra hives for replenishment liquid and ending up with eatable
honey
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
jar
Correct article usage
a jar
show examples
. The picture is
natural
Add an article
a natural
show examples
 process. First of all, a group of
bees
Use synonyms
 collect and start to build additional hives for
replenishment
Correct article usage
the replenishment
show examples
new
Change preposition
of new
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a swarm of honeybees looks for certain
flower
Fix the agreement mistake
flowers
show examples
 with
nectar
Use synonyms
. After that, with
aid
Correct article usage
the aid
show examples
 of their
mouth
Add a comma
mouth,
show examples
 they get
nectar
Use synonyms
, which
is exists
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
 in the middle of the flower , the
nectar
Use synonyms
 have been allocated and delivered by the
bees
Use synonyms
 to their hives.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 they fill every honeycomb cell with
nectar
Use synonyms
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
bees
Use synonyms
 use their wings to generate airflow, which helps the
nectar
Use synonyms
 in the cells become thicken. The next picture shows the process of evaporation of water from
nectar
Use synonyms
. The arrows show how water leaves the cells, leaving thicker
nectar
Use synonyms
 that turns into
honey
Use synonyms
. At
last
Linking Words
, after going through all these stages, with assists of
bees
Use synonyms
, the sweet, fluid
honey
Use synonyms
 is produced and placed into a jar

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, bees, nectar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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