IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many cities crime is increasing. Why do you think this is happening? What can governments do to help reduce crime levels? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There has been a higher number of criminal activity in urban areas recently. It is caused by the huge amount of unemployed society that leads to doing
this
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 bad thing. On the other side, the government should take responsibility. Good policy needs to be prepared by the governors or mayors of cities to maintain positive growth in the economic sector. The high level of
people
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 with no jobs tend to make some trouble only to fulfil their basic needs. We could
also
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 compare how low the crimes were in the well-established country. As they struggle for their lives, they could do bad kind
such
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 as robbery to make their food. It was because they could not have any option other than that. By
this
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 condition, the
people
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 around will feel less secure and
also
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 threatened.
While
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,
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apply
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 the local government are responsible for
this
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 effect.
As a result
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, the executives could find a solution by making economic economic-friendly policy. They could loosen the tax for any industries to invest in and build their factory in the city. Another way, the government may encourage their citizen to do small business activities along by giving incentives for starting them. It would make the
people
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 in the cities have better environmental conditions. In conclusion, the more
people
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 doing crime in many cities the correlation with a high the number of unworked
people
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. To combat
this
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 issue, the leaders of any city have to make good strategies in their economic policy to make good vibes for industrial investment and
also
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 business startups for local
people
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.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows to the next to improve coherence.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the issue of unemployment as a contributing factor to crime.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • overcrowding
  • unemployment
  • glorifying
  • viable option
  • lack of education
  • criminal activities
  • substance abuse
  • invest
  • job creation
  • effective policing
  • community-focused
  • social services
  • addiction treatment
  • mental health support
  • technology
  • data analysis
  • prevent
  • crime hotspots
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