IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Recent advances in air travel have focused only on those sitting in first class and have left other passengers with no benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that
people
Use synonyms
 who purchase air tickets for the
first
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 have more advantages than other travellers.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 suggestion completely, that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
first
Add a hyphen
first-class
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 tickets have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society. The essay will discuss the relationships between employers and clients, and about
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to comfort in an airport.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, worker's behaviour differentiates for
people
Use synonyms
 who have a high
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 status, it can be observed
how
Change preposition
in how
show examples
 they communicate with
people
Use synonyms
 on board.
For instance
Linking Words
, they demonstrate politeness and
humble
Replace the word
humility
show examples
 with
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 means that they fulfill their
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
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 with no words.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are lots of meals and snacks on board for free for
Use synonyms
first
Add a hyphen
first-class
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 passengers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they fly
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
, it gives them
Correct article usage
the feelings
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feelings
Fix the agreement mistake
feeling
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which
Correct word choice
that
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 they are at home.
Secondly
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, VIP lounges and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special roads for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aircraft are the main
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
 classes that all ordinary
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
dream
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 dreaming. And, VIP places at airports are one of the most
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 places in order to rest and get a nap.
In addition
Linking Words
,
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 benefit of the FC (
first
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
) is the road that
people
Use synonyms
 get into without a list.
As a result
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, If you want to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
particular attention you can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
Use synonyms
 or
business
Add a hyphen
business-class
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 tickets.  In conclusion, positive
sign
Fix the agreement mistake
signs
show examples
 of the
first
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 are more than economy
class
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 comfortable seats and light meals on board, and these comforts are free for all
such
Linking Words
 types of passengers.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly supports your thesis. Strengthening the connection between ideas can enhance the logical flow.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen the argument.
Language & Grammar
Be mindful of grammar and syntax in your language; small mistakes can distract from your argument. Proofreading can help reduce these errors.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines your position on the topic, which sets a strong foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
You've effectively included both positive aspects of first-class travel and how it influences societal status, which shows a deep understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've concluded the essay neatly, summarizing the main points succinctly, which helps to reinforce your main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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