IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statment?

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These days some individuals when living in a nation where you should speak a non-native
language
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 can lead to dangerous social issues and might
also
Linking Words
practice
Verb problem
cause
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 problems. I totally agree with
this
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 statement and I will mention the reasons for
this
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 phenomenon. First of all, when a person
immigrate
Change the verb form
immigrates
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 to
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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 country with a different
language
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 will influence
them
Change the pronoun
their
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 interaction with new cultures and habits. That may cause serious social isolation especially when
people
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 don't accept these changes in their lives,
Moreover
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,
this
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 isolation may cause depression which is a severe disease that leads to many symptoms
such
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 as low mood around the day, feeling guilty, anhedonia and being not interested
to
Change the preposition
in
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 anything.
For example
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, In 2010, there was a study published by King Abdulaziz University on the effect of
transferred
Wrong verb form
transferring
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 to a new nation with
foreign
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a foreign
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language
Use synonyms
 on psychological status the results showed 55% of
people
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 were suffering from depression.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the changes in the
language
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 may require time to adapt to the new society and workplace. In other terms, when someone travels to a developmental country to work should learn their
language
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 which is needed for a longer duration.
As a consequence
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 of
this
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 period,
people
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 might
coming
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come
be coming
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 to some practical issues in the employment place or in the city facilities like shopping and public transportation.
For instance
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, in a survey conducted in Makkah newspaper about the impact of immigration on the new nation and their difficulties most of the participants said many practical problems. In conclusion, living in
foreign
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a foreign
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 society with a different
language
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 resulted in many difficulties in social and practical performance. From my perspective, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and I recommend
people
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 to
educate
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 a new
language
Use synonyms
 to reduce these problems.

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coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your main ideas and organize them in a clearer manner. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your arguments flow logically.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, as this will make your arguments more convincing and your essay more robust.
task achievement
Work on developing a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to set the stage for your arguments.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both social and practical problems encountered when living in a country with a foreign language.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes the points made in the essay and provides a personal perspective on the issue.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the studies and surveys mentioned, to support the main points.
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