IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected.

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There is an ongoing debate regarding the release of criminal
information
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 to the public. I firmly believe that citizens should have the right to access the data of violent
criminals
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 not only for the public good but
also
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 for a lower crime rate. Some
people
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 argue that the
information
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 of offenders should be protected. They are concerned that there might be innocent
people
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 victimized who cannot explain the incident properly. Importantly, the main reason
of
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for
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 prisoning is to improve
criminals
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' personalities not to warn
people
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.
For instance
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, a lot of cases of wrong judgements are easily seen in the news after a long time of imprisonment. If their personal
information
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 is already spread to their neighbour, they might stand against society.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of
people
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 who suggest that citizens should be informed of the exact
information
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 about
criminals
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 to protect the community.
People
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 can protect themselves after being provided the details of
criminals
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 and put
an
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apply
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extra caution when they need to stroll the street , especially at night.
In addition
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, releasing the
information
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 can help to reduce the rate of crime in the society.
In particular
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, South Korea publicized the
information
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 of
criminals
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 who skirt the law of sexual harassment. The neighbours who live near the
criminals
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 can take advantage of the
information
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 and will be able to protect their families.
To sum up
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,
while
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 some
people
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 support the idea of hiding culprits'
information
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, I strongly insist that the government should share
information
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 about incidents and their culprits. If those are available to the citizens, it can absolutely contribute to society better and safer.

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a stronger thesis statement in the introduction to clearly outline the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly indicates the main point of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the South Korea case, to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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