IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As well as making money, business also have social responsibilities To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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There are two ways to improve a
business
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: making
money
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 from it or helping poor
people
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. Some believe making
money
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 is the best way to improve a
business
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, but I disagree. I think focusing on improving the
business
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 itself is more beneficial. On the one hand, making
money
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 helps a
business
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 grow. When a
business
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 earns more
money
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, it can pay employees better salaries, which motivates them to work harder.
This
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 leads to better results and helps the
business
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 grow.
Also
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, by investing in marketing, the company can attract more customers and increase sales, which helps the
business
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 avoid bankruptcy.
On the other hand
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, helping poor
people
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 can be good for a
business
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 too. It can improve the
business
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’s image and attract
people
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 who like companies that help others.
However
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, if a
business
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 focuses too much on donations, it may forget to improve its products and services.
This
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 could lead to financial problems. If the company loses
money
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, it may even go bankrupt, and helping
people
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 may not be possible anymore. In conclusion,
while
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 helping others is important, businesses should focus mainly on improving their
business
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. Making
money
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 through good management, better products, and marketing strategies is the best way for a
business
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 to grow and be successful in the long term.

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task response
Ensure that the central ideas of your paragraphs are fully developed and clearly linked to the essay question. Explore different angles and implications of your viewpoint to strengthen your argument.
task response
Work on integrating examples or explanations more deeply in the text to illustrate your points. Avoid introducing examples that are not fully discussed.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure that transitions between points and paragraphs are smooth and logical. This helps the reader to follow your line of reasoning easily.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using varied language to signal different parts of your argument, like 'however,' 'in addition,' or 'for instance,' to improve the natural flow of your writing.
introduction and conclusion presence
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, offering a balanced view of the topic. You effectively communicate your position early on in the essay.
logical structure
The essay maintains a good structure with paragraphs dedicated to discussing various aspects of the central idea, aiding the reader's comprehension.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibilities
  • contribute
  • well-being
  • community
  • philanthropy
  • sustainability
  • ethical
  • trust
  • reputation
  • accountable
  • profit-making
  • balance
What to do next:
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