IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a generalized problem in some countries
arround
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around
 the
word
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world
show examples
. To know the
opputinities
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opportunities
 that my son or daughter attend to an excellent university and the consequences that it takes for them in all the
filds
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fields
files
 of their
lifes
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lives
show examples
.
Firstly
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, We can
enummerate
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enumerate
 the benefits and
disadvanteges
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disadvantages
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people to live alone in another city
withouth
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without
 their parents. The most important thing is the independence that they go to learn, and I mean "independence" with the fact that they must
to
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apply
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learn to cook their own food, wash their own clothes, and clean all their
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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, bathroom and bedroom
also
Linking Words
.
Moreover
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, an experience like
this
Linking Words
 gives them the skills to be
a
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apply
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competitive and
reliables
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reliable
show examples
 adults as a benefit.
Nevertheless
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, not in all cases a teenager
has
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have
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 the mental strength to go ahead
Linking Words
this
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with this
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 kind of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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, and they break up themselves.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 another
probably
Change the adverb
probable
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 benefit, is
fredoom
Change the capitalization
Fredoom
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 in terms, that they actually do not have "the cops", their parents, live in their new home. It represents the fact that they do not have to
be reporting
Wrong verb form
report
show examples
 their status all
time
Correct article usage
the time
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at
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apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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.
Linking Words
Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
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 most of the teenager
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 move outside
from
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of
show examples
 their houses should be more responsible
,
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apply
show examples
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedoom
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freedom
 without
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 is a recipe
fot dissaster
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for disaster
. To
ilustrate
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illustrate
 my point of view, when I was studying
my
Change preposition
for my
show examples
 degree in Bogota-Colombia, I had a lot of friends
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 came from other places
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country specially the Boyaca region. One of them was a person
that
Correct word choice
who
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 without parental supervision
drunk
Wrong verb form
drank
show examples
 alcohol four days per week, owing to that he only studied
two
Change preposition
for two
show examples
 semesters at the university.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my own experience to
move
Wrong verb form
moved
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 to Spain to study my Pdh. The situation that
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have my family near,
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 been one of the most painful things in my life, but I think it
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
worth
Correct pronoun usage
worth it
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the key points and stating your position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structuring by using clear and varied linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments with additional examples or evidence to improve task achievement.
task achievement
Focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for better clarity.
task achievement
The essay includes a personal experience as an example, which makes the argument more relatable.
task achievement
The essay discusses both benefits and disadvantages of living away from home, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Good attempt at explaining the concept of independence and its impact on young adults.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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